Catching Insanity
by Slrmn82
Summary: COMPLETE JoanGod When God asks Joan to lie to Adam will she, and will she be able to deal with the confusion this causes?
1. Default Chapter

Catching Insanity  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Authors Note 2: I don't know who came up with 'Cousin It' as a nickname for Iris, but I hope they don't mind me borrowing it. Thanks who ever you are. This is my first JoA fic so be gentle with me. I am an Adam/Joan shipper at heart, but I just love the vibes between Joan and CBG. Without further ado….  
  
A Bad Day Gets Worse  
  
"I just had to take AP Chem didn't I?" Joan Girardi mumbled under her breath, alternating her glaring between the ceiling and a piece of paper she held in her hand.  
  
"What did that paper ever do to you, Girardi?" Grace Polk asked from behind her, causing Joan to drop the paper in fright. It floated face up onto the floor emblazoned with a big red 'F' on the top. "Don't worry about it. Tests are just the government's way of keeping our individuality stifled by standardizing our education and intellectuality."  
  
"That's really… nice, Grace. But somehow I doubt my mother will agree with you."  
  
"Buck up, Girardi. Cousin It and Rove are headed our way." Grace gestured down the hall interrupting Joan's pity-party.  
  
"Oh joy." Joan commented dryly, staring at the arm Adam had wrapped around Iris' waist. "I just don't know what he sees in her."  
  
"Maybe if he had other options he wouldn't settle for her."   
  
"He looks happy, Grace." Joan told her friend reluctantly.  
  
"Hey Jane, Grace." Adam walked up to the huddled girls with Iris still on his arm. "What's going on, yo? You ran out of class before we could see what was wrong."  
  
"Just failed another Chem test, Adam. Nothing unexpected." Joan answered with a forced smile, trying not to glare at Iris.  
  
"Well, why don't we all get together for a study session for Chem to help you raise your grade a bit?" Adam suggested casually.  
  
"That sounds great." Joan's face lit up as she smiled at Adam. "I can't get much worse."  
  
"Good idea 'A.'" Iris enthused. "Why don't you come to my house and I can study with you? It'll be fun."  
  
"Sure Iris. That's a great idea." Adam agreed giving his girlfriend a quick peck on the lips before looking pleadingly at Grace and Joan. "Doesn't it guys? This will give you a chance to get to know each other better, yo."  
  
"I don't think-" Grace began sarcastically only to be cut off by an elbow in her side from Joan.  
  
"Great. How about we meet on Saturday night? What time should we be there?"  
  
After the plans were made for two nights from then at seven o'clock, Grace and Joan cut a quick retreat, walking to their next class.  
  
"What are you thinking? Wasn't it you who just said you didn't know what he sees in her?"  
  
"Yeah but did you see his face?" She asked softly, smiling gently as she remembered the cute look on his face.  
  
"Oh you've got it bad, Girardi." Grace commented after waving her hand in front of Joan's face in order to regain her attention. "If you want to do this fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. It will be fine Grace. You'll see."  
  
"Famous last words."  
  
"See you in PE Grace." Joan glared in exasperation, giving a small wave over her shoulder reminiscent of God. "And stop pouting."  
  
"But you want us to be friends with Cousin It!" Grace called down the hall loudly, which Joan ignored.  
  
The rest of the school day passed quietly, with Grace bitching incessantly and Adam giving her puppy dog looks, which she unknowingly returned. Since Luke had to stay after for an extra credit project in Chemistry, Joan found herself walking alone, down the quiet streets of her neighborhood. When she saw 'Cute Boy' God, as she had taken to calling him in her head, sitting on her porch she had to force herself to not run in the opposite direction. He looked very serious for once, and she just knew that she wasn't going to like her next assignment.  
  
"Hello Joan."  
  
"Hey." She answered quietly, no snippy comment following the greeting for once. She watched him carefully before sitting down next to the handsome man.  
  
"Adam is going to stop by tonight and ask you something." God began softly, keeping his emotions from both his face and voice. "I want you to say no."  
  
Without another word he stood up and took a step away, only to be caught by Joan's hand as she grabbed him by the arm. She quickly let go nervously, in case he decided to smite her down for insolence, but he just stood staring at her.  
  
"That's it? Just say no, but no other information? What am I saying no to?" Joan asked worriedly. "What it whatever he asks me, the answer is yes? You want me to lie?"  
  
"You know I can't explain why I have you do the things you do, but trust me when I say it is for the best all around. If you care about Adam you must tell him no."  
  
Joan stood in her front yard for a few minutes in silence, before slowly walking into her house closing the door firmly behind her.   
  
"Well that was a bit melodramatic." She mumbled under her breath as she began getting out ingredients for making soup.   
  
She was just in the middle of chopping a few carrots and throwing them in the boiling water when she heard a knock at the door. Joan couldn't help the pessimistic feeling that came over her at that moment as she hesitantly opened the door. There standing in the rain was Adam Rove. They stood staring at each other, neither wanting to speak or move, thereby breaking the tableau. Eventually it was Adam who spoke in a soft whisper, gazing straight into Joan's eyes.  
  
"Do you love me, Jane?"  
  
"What?" Joan asked in shock, staring at the sky as the storm echoed around them.  
  
"Do you love me?" 


	2. A Heartbreaking Answer

Catching Insanity 2/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
A Heartbreaking Answer  
  
"Do you love me?" Adam asked again, looking hopefully at Joan who stood still and quiet.  
  
"Of course I…" She began to answer only to remember what God told her earlier that afternoon. 'If you care about Adam you must tell him no.'   
  
"Jane?"  
  
"I care about you a lot, Adam… I even love you, but if you're asking me if I am in love with you, well…" Joan began stumbling over her words, not knowing how to answer when Adam was looking at her with so much love in his eyes. Strangely enough it was the way he was looking at her that gave her the strength to answer him at all. "No I'm not. I'm sorry."  
  
She stood in front of him staring at the ground, her shoulders hunched and her nails digging into her palms in an effort not to reach out to Adam. He was looking at her with such anger and devastation that she wanted to take back her words, but instead stayed quiet.  
  
"You're sorry?" Adam questioned incredulously his voice laced with anger, so much so that Joan snapped her head up from staring at the ground in astonishment. He had never spoken to her in such a tone, not even when she had wrecked his sculpture. "What exactly are you sorry about, Joan? Leading me on? Being rude to Iris? What?"  
  
"I didn't lead you on, Adam." She stuttered softly, feeling so emotionally wrought that she could barely follow the sudden path of the conversation.  
  
"No? What was all those looks and touches about then, Joan? You didn't exactly push me away. You told me you weren't ready to couple and I respected that. But when I find a new girl you are nothing but mean and spiteful to her."  
  
"I wasn't mean… Her voice just bothers me, like I said." Joan answered sharply, getting upset herself. "And who are you to tell me that I've led you on, Adam. You have a girlfriend, and I'm being supportive, even though I don't like her. For you."  
  
"You're jealous of her. Which come to think of it, I don't understand. If you never wanted me then why can't I be happy with someone else? I didn't think you were so selfish, yo."  
  
  
  
"I did want you!" Joan exclaimed in exasperation, glaring at Adam and his attitude. She didn't want him to think she was just playing around with his feelings for her.  
  
"Well then what happened?" Adam asked quietly, clearly hoping Joan could explain things to him.  
  
"Um…" Her mind went totally blank, as she looked passed Adam only to see Cute Boy God coming up the street from the opposite direction. 'Oh what the hell. It's his fault anyway.' "There's someone else."  
  
"Have we met?"   
  
"Not exactly… Remember the party at my house a few months ago?" She asked waiting for Adam to nod yes. "Well there was a guy there that-"  
  
"The guy you danced with!" Adam exclaimed. "This has been going on that long? I can't believe you Joan."  
  
"Damn it Adam. Calm down and let me explain." Joan hissed in anger, trying to salvage what she could of their friendship. "We've been friends for a while. Only friends. We just started dating last week. It wasn't planned or anything it just happened. He makes me happy, and since you've been with Iris, I felt it was time that I move on."  
  
This explanation only seemed to bewilder Adam more. He looked at Joan in disbelief wondering when all of this happened, considering he'd been with her most of the time over the last few weeks. Except when he was with iris of course.  
  
"When were you planning on telling me about this guy?"  
  
"We were going to tell you on Saturday. Joan was planning on inviting me to go, and she'd introduce us all there." A masculine voice interrupted their argument.  
  
"G-er…Gideon, what are you doing here?" Joan asked clearly annoyed at his presence.  
  
"Just wanted to see you, love." God answered, his eyes twinkling in amusement as he watched her glare back at him in exasperation, gently placing an arm around her waist. Before turning back to Adam and sticking out his other hand. "And you must be Adam Rove. I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you and be able to put a face to the stories."  
  
"Gideon." Adam answered impassively. "I'm sure I'll see you on Saturday then. Joan, I'll talk to you at school tomorrow. Bye yo."  
  
"Bye Adam, I'll see you tomorrow." Joan answered softly. Staring at Adam as he walked away in the rain.  
  
As soon as Adam was out of view Joan moved out of God's arms, glaring at him in fury, trying desperately not to let her watering eyes tear up.  
  
"God!" She yelled in anger.  
  
"Yes?" He answered, raising an eyebrow innocently in question.  
  
"Argg! Just leave me alone." She screamed before stalking inside and closing the door in his amused face.   
  
She continued striding into the kitchen where she took out her anger and frustration on the poor carrots, chopping them noisily with a large butcher knife. All the while tears poured silently down her face and on to the vegetables.   
  
"Adam." She cried brokenly as she chopped.   
  
"He will be better off because of this. I promise you." God spoke softly across from her, leaning on the sink.  
  
"You!" Joan hissed, throwing a handful of carrots at God. She watched in shock as they hit him in the chest and rolled on the floor.  
  
"Feeling better?" He asked with a gentle smile on his face. 


	3. Hypothetically Speaking

Catching Insanity 3/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you all are enjoying the story so far. I honestly wasn't expecting much of a response, so thank you again.   
  
Warning: Mentions cutting, suicide and alcoholism. Be warned. I am sure some people will think this is unrealistic, but it needed to be done for the sake of the rest of the story.  
  
Hypothetically Speaking  
  
"No I am not feeling better." Joan snapped at God as he stooped down to pick up the thrown carrots. "And didn't I tell you to leave me alone?"  
  
"I understand you're upset with me right now and frustrated, Joan." God told her gently causing her to get even angrier.  
  
"No you don't! You just tell me to do things and I do them, but it seems more often then not they're to the determent of my personal life."  
  
"You can not always see the big picture Joan. Even if to you this doesn't seem like an important decision-"  
  
"Of course it's an important decision! You just had me ruin my life due to some grand plan." Joan interrupted dramatically.  
  
God just watched her quietly with a raised eyebrow as she calmed down a bit. She had the good grace to blush at her outburst.  
  
"I did not mean it wasn't important to you, merely that I didn't think you would place the same amount of importance to it in my 'grand plan' as you so sarcastically call it." God continued unperturbed after a long moment of silence. "I would think after all this time you would at least realize there is more at stake than what you are aware of due to your actions. Remember the ripples, Joan."  
  
"I know you have a plan, but why would it be necessary that I tell the person I love to move on?" Joan asked desperately, looking pleadingly into God's gaze. "I've tried my best to do what you ask, can't you just give me a hint?"  
  
"It won't make you feel any better about losing Adam." God warned caustically.  
  
"I don't care. I need to know that I did the right thing."  
  
"My word alone is not good enough for you?" God asked softly, looking almost hurt when she didn't deny it immediately. Instead she just looked at him sorrowfully, her expression both miserable and hopeful.  
  
"Please." She begged hoarsely.  
  
"As you wish, Joan. But don't say I didn't warn you." God agreed, gesturing for them to sit down at the kitchen table, forgetting for the moment the soup preparations still sitting on the counter. "Hypothetically speaking say you told Adam you loved him. He breaks up with Iris before the study group on Saturday, having no way of knowing that she just got some troubling news about her father that same afternoon. Distraught and with no one to confide in she turns to cutting as an escape, after having stopped for a seven months. Unfortunately this time she was so upset that she cut deeper into her arms then she meant to, and with no one around that night she ends up bleeding to death on her bathroom floor."  
  
"Oh my god." Joan whispers softly as tears fall down her face. "She wouldn't…"  
  
"There's more to go. Do you want me to go on?"  
  
Joan nods slightly, her throat too clogged to speak aloud.  
  
"So Adam calls her house that Monday to see if she was sick since she missed school and finds out what happened. From there it is all down hill for Adam. Needless to say he blames himself and becomes depressed, starts skipping school eventually dropping out near the end of your junior year. He stops making his art and begins drinking heavily. You try to pull him out of his depression, even suggest going to counseling together in an attempt to get him to go. He refuses. One night a few weeks after you have an argument about his drinking, he goes out driving after breaking into his father's liquor cabinet and smashes his car into a van with a family of four, including two small children. There are no survivors."  
  
By the time God finished his narrative Joan is near hyperventilating she is crying so uncontrollably. Her head is resting on her shoulders and tears continued to fall down her cheeks one after another.  
  
"H-how could you let them…" Joan began only to loose it again before she could finish her question.  
  
"I didn't Joan." God answered soothingly from close to her head, having moved closer to her when she was preoccupied. "That's the point, isn't it? You wanted to know why so I told you."  
  
"But how could they, how could he?" She stuttered not able to think let alone speak in complete sentences after what God told her.  
  
"People react differently to grief, Joan." God told her, putting a hand on her upper arm as she stared at the tabletop, still in shock. "However, thanks to your actions, that hypothetical scenario isn't likely to happen now."  
  
"Not likely?"  
  
"Free will, remember?" God reminded her.  
  
"Okay, but…"  
  
"This time around Iris will have Adam and you guys with her on Saturday, hence she won't be alone."  
  
"Hey did you forget you invited yourself to go along?" Joan smirked slightly, her joke falling flat thanks to the still tension filled atmosphere.  
  
"No I didn't forget." God answered simply, getting up from the table and buttoning his coat as he walked towards the front door. "I'll see you on Saturday, Joan."  
  
"What?!?" Joan screeched to the already closed door. "How do I get myself into these things?"   
  
Joan proceeded to hit her head repeatedly onto the table in frustration.  
  
"Who knew God was completely out of his mind?" 


	4. Uncomfortable Circumstances

Catching Insanity 4/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you all are enjoying the story so far. Any suggestions on plot would be great. I know the ending already but I am a bit stuck on the middle.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned. Be warned. Nothing drastic in this chapter, but may get a tad dark for a few chapters. Don't worry, it will still be a fairly upbeat story.  
  
Uncomfortable Circumstances  
  
The next day at school Joan and Adam were painfully polite to each other, although there was obviously still a lot of tension between them, garnering looks from both Grace and Iris due to their unusual behavior. The night before Joan spent locked in her room staring at the ceiling with rock music playing loudly in the background. Once her family got home, her mother tried unsuccessfully to get her out of her room, but eventually gave up when Joan merely ignored her repeated calls about dinner. Her thoughts went around and around until she was completely overwhelmed and drained. She fell asleep at eight o'clock that night, wrapped tightly around her pillow, which was still damp from her tears.   
  
The next morning Joan dragged herself out of bed reluctantly and walked silently down to breakfast, not paying attention when her family shot her concerned looks.   
  
"Is everything okay honey?" Her mother tried to broach the subject of her daughter's melancholy, watching as Joan listlessly ate her ham and cheese omelet.   
  
"Everything's fine, Mom. I've just got a lot on my mind right now." Joan smiled at her mother reassuringly.   
  
"All right Joan, but if you need to talk…"  
  
"I'm fine really." She answered, keeping her own counsel.  
  
The rest of the day passed in much the same way as Joan only spoke when directly asked a question. In between classes she walked quietly and looked as if she was deep in thought about a serious matter.   
  
[I know that I did the right thing, but why does it have to hurt so much? I mean he's practically wrapped around her for goodness sake. It sure didn't take him long to get over me, did it? What a whole twenty hours. It's killing me to watch the man I just admitted to myself I loved yesterday in the arms of someone who isn't me. I have no idea how I am going to handle this, let alone God the next time I see him. Even though I know why he asked me to lie, I still resent him a lot. Why can't I ever be happy for once?]  
  
When Joan wasn't mentally cursing Adam, God and herself, she made it a point to watch Iris to make sure that she was all right. She seemed perfectly happy in Adam's arms, so obviously the events God warned her about hadn't come to pass as of yet.   
  
"Do I have something on my face?" Iris asked abruptly after having caught Joan staring for the third time in as many minutes.  
  
"What?" Joan asked jumping slightly.  
  
"You've been staring at me all day. Is there a problem?" Iris asked in a snotty tone of voice, which would normally set Joan's teeth on edge. Adam tightened his arms around Iris' waist in warning, watching Joan cautiously, waiting for her to snap back.  
  
"No… I've just come to a few rather startling realizations recently, that's all."   
  
"O-kay, care to explain that?" Iris asked curiously, for once not glaring at Joan hostilely.  
  
"You make Adam happy." Joan blurted out almost accusingly.  
  
"Well, I am his girlfriend."  
  
"I just never noticed before."  
  
"Might have something to do with Gideon." Adam interjected sarcastically.  
  
"Who's that?" Iris questioned, looking wearily between her boyfriend and Joan, catching an undercurrent of hostility.  
  
"My, er… boyfriend." Joan answered hesitantly.  
  
"Your what?" Grace asked sharply from behind her. "Have you been holding out on me, Girardi?"   
  
"So I'm not the only one who didn't know."   
  
"How long has this been going on and why didn't you tell me?" Grace asked nonchalantly, trying unsuccessfully to hide the bit of hurt in her voice.  
  
"You're not exactly one to gossip." Joan answered cautiously. "Besides, I wasn't sure exactly where the relationship was going. I didn't want to say anything before we'd figured it out."  
  
"What's to figure out? Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, and they couple. End of story."  
  
"I didn't know if we were just fooling around or if it was serious, ya know?"  
  
"Oh, well I suppose since you already told Rove, that this guy will be around for a while then?"  
  
"I hope so."  
  
[Boy you're getting to be an adept liar, Girardi. Wait until God finds out we're now in a committed relationship. Won't he be pleased.]  
  
"Well, why don't you invite his to my house tomorrow?" Iris suggested, looking thrilled with the recent turn of events.  
  
"I was going to ask you if that was alright. That way you can all meet him at once."  
  
"Can't wait." Grace responded just as the bell rung letting school out for the day. "I'll see you all tomorrow night." 


	5. A Walk with God

Catching Insanity 5/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you all are enjoying the story so far. Any suggestions on plot would be great. I know the ending already but I am a bit stuck on the middle.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned. Be warned. Nothing drastic in this chapter, but may get a tad dark for a few chapters. Don't worry, it will still be a fairly upbeat story.  
  
A Walk with God  
  
Joan hated being petty and selfish. Generally she is not either on a regular basis. Granted Joan can be self-involved, but what teenager isn't these days? Even so she had to keep reminding herself to be understanding and to put her wants and desires below others. That whole hypothetical that God told her a few days ago was still stuck in her mind, but she didn't know what to do with the information. It didn't make her feel any better at all. [Damn God anyway, the know it all.]  
  
If anything it made her feel worse because not only was she tacitly setting down her hopes for getting back together with Adam, but she was also making him feel bad in the process, and doubting the worth of Adam's affections for her in the first place. That's not even to mention trying to befriend Iris, annoying voice and all, and keeping her resentment of God to herself. She was very much aware that it wasn't God's fault per se, but since God began speaking to her she had been continuously trying to balance Him and her life outside of the occasional message from the Almighty.  
  
So when God knocked on the door a few minutes before they were scheduled to be at Iris' for the study group, Joan forcefully put a smile on her face, fully prepared to keep it their the whole night, even when she watched Iris and Adam make kissy-faces at each other.  
  
There god stood in all of his teenagery angst hotness as she opened the door after calling a quick goodbye to her parents. If someone were to comment about her snippy thoughts she would have rolled her eyes in exasperation, but since God did not comment on her hostile state of mind they left her house in silence.   
  
Surprisingly when they weren't snippy with each other, or Joan wasn't smarting off she was comfortable in the Almighty pain-in-the-ass' presence. He calmed her chaotic mind and made her feel safe without even speaking. She wasn't consciously thinking about this however, and was content to ignore Him for a few more peaceful moments.   
  
They had just turned the corner onto Iris' street when Joan noticed that God wasn't walking next to her, and as she turned around she saw God leaning against the side of a building casually as if waiting for her to finally notice his absence.  
  
"You can't keep giving your boyfriend the silent treatment if you expect to convince your friends." He commented softly, looking at Joan with a strangely searching look on his face.  
  
"Well we're not in front of my friends now, are we?" She answered sarcastically.  
  
"What's going on Joan?"  
  
"Don't you know already?" She asked snidely.   
  
"You're very angry at me." He answered, ignoring her attitude with much practice.   
  
"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Joan assured him, turning away to hide the shame she felt at talking to God like that. Usually her comments were mostly joking, although fueled by annoyance. This time however, she was genuinely pissed off at God and was trying her hardest not to show it. "We need to get to Iris' or the others will be worried."  
  
God watched Joan for a few silent moments, and if she didn't know better with a bit of hurt in his eyes. [Sure, next I'll be imagining Him feeling pain because he stubbed his toe.]  
  
"Very well, Joan. Let's go." He agreed gesturing her to precede him up the street. As they walked up Iris' steps God put his arm around Joan's waist, to which she barely kept herself from stiffening. When she looked at him questioningly he winked at her. "Appearances, Joan." 


	6. Study Group Turned Angst Fest

Catching Insanity 6/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you all are enjoying the story so far. Any suggestions on plot would be great. I know the ending already but I am a bit stuck on the middle.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned. Be warned. Nothing drastic in this chapter, but may get a tad dark for a few chapters. Don't worry, it will still be a fairly upbeat story.  
  
Study Group Turned Angst Fest  
  
Joan practically jumped all the steps to Iris' house in an attempt to get away from God's knowing gaze. She honestly had no idea how she would get through the night with so many things on her mind, least of which was chemistry. Just as she rang the doorbell God took a hold of her hand and pulled her closer to him. Iris opened the door a few seconds later while Joan was busy glaring at God.  
  
"Oh Joan, hi, and who's this?" Iris asked as she welcomed them in.  
  
"Hey Iris. How's everything?" Joan asked softly, wondering if whatever upset her had happened already, but she seemed fine.  
  
"Um… okay, I guess." Iris answered, somewhat disconcerted by Joan's piercing gaze.  
  
"That's good." She answered before remembering she still hadn't introduced God. "Oh, sorry, and this is G-Gideon."  
  
"Hello Gideon. It's nice to meet you." She spoke genuinely holding out her hand.  
  
"It's good to meet you too." He answered softly, giving Iris a small smile, holding her hand in his.  
  
"Come on, everyone's already here." Iris told them. "They're all upstairs in my room. So how long have you two been dating?"  
  
"A few days." Joan blurted at the same time as God answered her.  
  
"Three weeks."  
  
"Well, we were kind of going out off and on, but, uh, we didn't start dating until last week." Joan tried to cover. Iris gave her a weird look but otherwise stayed silent as she led them to her bedroom.  
  
"Hey guys. Everyone this is Gideon." Joan introduced them as Adam and Grace looked up as they entered. "You may have seen him around recently."  
  
"If this is going to become a sickening mating dance, I'll just take off right now." Grace commented seriously.  
  
Iris, Adam and Joan all looked at each other awkwardly, completely embarrassed by Grace's comment. The tension charged silence was broken by God surprisingly enough.  
  
"You must be Grace." God commented stepping forward and offering the blonde his hand.  
  
"How could you tell?" She asked sarcastically.  
  
"And here I thought that Joan was exaggerating your biting wit." God answered back casually, winking at Joan over his shoulder as she glared at him.  
  
"You make it sound like a disease." Adam blurted out, looking at 'Gideon' quickly before ducking his head in embarrassment.   
  
"That's a matter of opinion I'd imagine."  
  
"Oh Joan, I like this one." Grace told her as she chuckled at him. "Where have you been hiding him?"  
  
"He's, er, been around." Joan answered hesitantly ignoring the glare Adam sent her way as she spoke. Just as she was going to continue the phone rang. Iris picked it up on the second ring as everyone listened in from the background. Adam and Joan both noticed when Iris began shaking slightly and moved somewhat closer to the girl.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey Mom, what's going on?"  
  
"What is it? Is something the matter?"  
  
"But how- He's supposed to be-"  
  
"I, no I'm fine Mom."  
  
"Yes I'm sure."  
  
"Mom I'll be okay, besides Adam and a few other kids are over for a study group. They should be here until you get home."  
  
"Alright I will. Goodbye. I love you too."  
  
Iris hung up quietly with her face aimed at the wall, and her back to the room. Her shoulders shaking at uneven intervals.  
  
"What's going on Iris?" Adam asked gently, putting a calming hand on her shoulder. "Is everything okay?"  
  
"I don't- I can't- my father was let out of prison earlier this week. My mother was just contacted." Iris whispered brokenly.  
  
"I assume from your reaction that there will be no happy family reunion?" Grace asked in her usual forthright manner, only to be cut off as Joan elbowed her in the ribs mouthing for her to shut up.  
  
"Everything will be alright, Iris." Joan told her, hoping her voice sounded convincingly sincere for once. "He doesn't know where you live, does he?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Well then, try not to worry about it for now." Joan continued gently putting her arm around the girl's still shaking body and leading her to the chair next to her bed. "Why don't we study for now, to get your mind off it and then we'll wait until your mother gets home so that you're not by yourself."  
  
"I don't know if I can work right now."  
  
"Well, that's okay too." God interjected sitting on Joan's other side as Adam sat near Iris, while Grace just looked on at the scene in confusion. Joan noticed and gestured for her to leave the room quietly.  
  
"Why don't Grace and I go get some drinks and when we get back we'll try to tackle the homework assignment. We've got a few hours after all."  
  
"I'll show you-" Iris began to get up only to be cut off by Grace.  
  
"Sit down will ya before you fall over." She told Iris uncharacteristically gently. "Me and Joan have got it."  
  
They walked downstairs in quiet but as soon as they entered the kitchen Grace spun around and began glaring.  
  
"Alright Girardi, just what the hell is going on?" 


	7. A Lesson in Realism

Catching Insanity 7/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned.   
  
Thank you for your continued feedback over recent weeks. I am sorry for the lack of regular updates, but I have been trying to catch up on my classes, not to mention real life difficulties. Hopefully things will stay uneventful now and I can get beck into writing steadily. Please continue to review, your support keeps me updating. Thanks again.  
  
A Lesson in Realism  
  
"Look Grace, I can't go into details. Iris told me something but it's not my story to tell." Joan answered cautiously, watching Grace pace the kitchen floor.  
  
"That's just great, Girardi. So in the mean time we just watch Squeaky complete loose it and do what exactly?" Grace glared at the brunette, looking out of her depth and trying to hide her uncertainty.  
  
"Let's just be there for Iris and the rest will work itself out. If she feels up to explaining she will." Joan reassured her. "It's enough to know that her father is… dangerous and was incarcerated."  
  
"But not anymore."  
  
"True."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So what do we do now, I mean I'm not exactly Squ- er, Iris' favorite friend if you know what I'm saying." Grace shuffled self-consciously. "Not that I care you understand…"  
  
"Of course you don't. "  
  
"I don't."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"So what do we do?"  
  
"For starters lets get some cookies and soda. I'm sure the boys have managed to calm her down somewhat."  
  
Joan turned around and began opening random cabinets until she found the snack food as Grace took a few cans of Coke out of the refrigerator. She didn't see the shifty look Grace graced her with while her back was turned.  
  
"Speaking of boys, spill. What's going on with you and Gideon?"  
  
"Since when do we take part in the social floundering of high school existence, let alone gossip about it?"  
  
"Since now obviously." Grace rolled her eyes at Joan poor excuse for a segue. "There seems to be a bit of tension in paradise."  
  
"Grace!" Joan exclaimed exasperatedly.  
  
"What you never had that kind of tension going on even when you and Rove were in the midst of all that romance/angst fest earlier this year."  
  
"It's nothing serious." Joan assured her friend as the made their way upstairs with hands full of refreshments, carefully ignoring Grace's inference about her relationship with 'Gideon.'  
  
As they knocked of Iris' door with their feet, unable to turn the knob, the door opened a second later by Adam, who was looking overjoyed to see them return.  
  
"Where have you been, yo? We're starving up here."  
  
"I bet." Joan commented, watching God hold Iris' hand and whisper quietly to her completely oblivious to the fact that Adam was staring and looking as if he swallowed a lemon. She walked around Adam placing the cookies on the bed with a flourish and plastering on a fake smile. "We've got chocolate chip, brownies, fig newtons. Take your pick. We brought a little of everything."  
  
"Thanks guys." Iris said, looking at her feet in embarrassment, only belatedly realizing she had just lost it in front of two people that she was antagonistic with at best.  
  
"Hey no problem, Squeaky." Grace answered, ignoring the glare both Adam and Joan sent in her direction. "So what say you we get to the fun world of molecular bonds?"  
  
"Sure let's get started. " Iris agreed gratefully, sharing a small smile with Grace before opening her binder and taking out her chemistry notes.  
  
The hours that followed were both informative and deeply uncomfortable. For the first half an hour or so all five of them would lapse into short tense silences until someone would once again break the silence. After a few times of this they all just laughed it off and soon the awkwardness evaporated, as they got further into the chapter. Gideon would contribute his vast knowledge about the subject in a way the teens could understand, and by the end of the night bot Grace and Adam wanted Gideon to become a permanent fixture in their study groups, if for no other reason then that he's help then pass AP Chem easily. Joan on the other hand was getting more and more uncomfortable with both the display Adam and Iris were making and Gideon's teasing touches and glances. She felt like poking her pencil in his eye as he winked at her again over one of her sarcastic comments. She was thoroughly confused with her own reaction and quite frankly would be overjoyed to put a large distance between herself and God as possible. It was getting increasingly more difficult for her to pretend all was right in the world of Joan, and soon she stopped even trying, keeping quiet until finally the excruciating torture of an evening was over. As soon as Jenny, Iris' mother arrived home, Joan all but fled the house ignoring the worried looks her actions garnered. She didn't even notice that God was following her until she was stopped by a gentle hold on her arm causing her to stop. When she turned around she saw him watching her quietly, infinitely patient, and even that angered her. She wanted him to get mad, maybe yell a little. She knew she was acting childish, but maybe if he yelled she wouldn't feel terrible about yelling at him like she wanted to. Instead hhe looked patient and a bit hurt, but willing to give her all the understanding and time she needed to work through her issues. As he opened his mouth to presumably tell her a little kernel of wisdom hidden in a snaky comment, Joan placed a finger over his mouth in desperation, not even fully aware of what she was doing.  
  
"Don't. Please don't say anything." She pleaded with him, ignoring her hair blowing in her eyes as the wind and rain blew all around them. "I just can't right now." [Give me a little space please, otherwise I'm liable to say something unforgivable, and I just can't handle all of this right now.]  
  
He looked at her for a moment, his breath hitting Joan's index finger that was still pressed against his lips. Joan shivered slightly and hastily took her finger away.   
  
"Get some rest Joan. Meet me at the park tomorrow and we'll talk more then."  
  
She let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding as he took a few steps away from her. She watched him walk away purposely as the rain continued to fall all around him. Just as he was almost out of hearing range he stopped but remained turned away.  
  
"Sweet dreams, Joan." He whispered bitter sweetly before disappearing from view.   
  
The rain fell all about Joan's face and if a few more tracks of wetness followed, who could differentiate them from the rain. 


	8. Unexpected Decisions

Catching Insanity 8/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned.   
  
Unexpected Decisions  
  
Joan walked towards the park slowly, not entirely sure what she would do once she got there. She was terribly confused and her feelings seemed to be all over the map, in one moment she was jealous of Iris, the next she was angry at God, the next uncomfortable, the next guilty. She honestly didn't know how to deal with it all, especially when it came towards her mixed up thoughts about God. Hopefully their talk would help her settle a bit, so she could concentrate on Iris' problems like she wanted to without feeling like a witch for being angry at most of her friends at the same time. As she walked over the hill, the playground came into view and she let out a sigh of relief when she noticed the little girl with the chunky thick glasses waiting for her.  
  
Joan smiled at her for the first time in what felt like forever and actually meant it as she drew closer to Her. Joan sat on the swing next to the little girl and they began swinging without speaking a word in greeting. For those few minutes Joan felt at peace with herself and relaxed, not realizing the amount of tension that had tightened her shoulders. With her feet pumping, Joan flew through the air with God at her side, almost exhilarated at such a simple thing. As if by silent communication, but was more likely God's divine intervention, they placed both feet on the ground at the same time and stopped swinging. Joan turned hesitantly toward the little girl, not wanting to disturb her newly gained positive outlook.  
  
"Hello Joan."  
  
"Hi."  
  
"So you have been a bit upset with me recently, huh?" She asked quietly, sounding surprisingly normal considering her little mouth had also spouted philosophically as well.  
  
"Um… yeah, I guess." Joan answered in a small voice not sure how to explain herself better.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's a simple question Joan. Why are you upset with me?"  
  
"Well, Adam… er, I understand, really I do, but I just… I don't know." Joan answered ramblingly.   
  
"So you're mad at me because I took your chance with Adam away, is that it?"  
  
"When you say it I sound stupid." Joan commented sullenly, not wanting to analyze her own motivations too much.  
  
"Not stupid Joan, merely confused." The girl answered quietly, pushing her glasses up further on her nose. "Do I confuse you?"  
  
"Well obviously, you're God." She answered sarcastically, trying to sidestep the real meaning behind the question. "You already know why I'm confused, so why the inquisition?"  
  
"Because I know why you're confused. You still presumably don't."  
  
"Well I do have a lot of things to think through. Like the Iris thing, or Adam, hey and you too. Why ever would I be confused and upset, let alone angry?"  
  
"Joan." She chastised gently.  
  
"Sorry. I'm just a little on edge right now." Joan told God apologetically.  
  
"I know. That's why I am going to help you clear things up a bit."  
  
"Really?" Joan perked up slightly.   
  
"Yes really. I think you should concentrate on events with Adam and Iris for right now. Once that is worked out to your satisfaction we'll talk more."  
  
"Okay-"  
  
"To that outcome I will disappear for a while."  
  
"What?!?" Joan exclaimed in shock. "You're just going to leave me?"  
  
"I will never leave you Joan. I am always here, but you just wont see me."  
  
"For how long?"  
  
"However long it takes for you to feel better." She answered mysteriously.  
  
"But…" Joan began only not knowing how to go on.  
  
"Don't look like that Joan. When you're less stressed out we will talk. Besides this will give you a chance to think over exactly what is making you so confused about both Adam and Iris, without the added distraction of me."  
  
"You're not a distraction." Joan told her loyally, feeling set adrift. She was forced to qualify her statement when God snorted in utter disbelief. "Well not much, anyway."  
  
"I will see you in a while Joan." She said standing up and moving away leaving Joan to look after her in shock. Just before she left the park Joan called after her rather desperately.  
  
"How long's a little while?"  
  
Little Girl God looked at her face for a long moment before shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"A few weeks, a month. It's entirely up to you."  
  
Without looking back God walked away, giving a final little wave over her shoulder to Joan who was doing her best not to break down in sobs. Joan watched the small girl until she disappeared into the distance, and had to force herself not to physically follow.  
  
"What am I going to do now?" She asked the sky.  
  
There was no answer. 


	9. Intervening Grace

Catching Insanity 9/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned.   
  
Intervening Grace  
  
Joan walked home from the park feeling if possible worse than when she entered it. Over the time that she's spoken to God, she often wished he would find someone different to give assignments to. The lying and odd looks she's gotten from just about everybody has worn on her quite a bit the last year. Having finally been given a little peace and quiet, Joan should be elated, not down in the dumps like she is.   
  
"It's not forever, Girardi. Only a few weeks. No big deal." She mumbled to herself in an effort at reassurance.   
  
"Talking to yourself again?" Grace called out from behind her. As she walked up to Joan she saw her distraught face and her expression instantly softened. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing much." Joan answered automatically.  
  
"Sure, so you just look like someone ran over your puppy for no reason at all? Tell me another, Girardi."   
  
"Grace, leave it alone would you?" Joan began whining, her eyes once again filling with tears. She turned and began walking at a fast pace only to be grabbed gently by Grace.  
  
"Seriously Girardi, what's the matter? You haven't been yourself for a few days now."  
  
"There's just been all this drama recently. I mean you saw how Adam has been behaving, yeah?"  
  
"If you mean alternating between giving you pissed off looks and being all over Squeaky then yeah, I've noticed."  
  
"Exactly. I just don't know how to handle him."  
  
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but why would you worry about Adam's ego at all? I mean you do have Gideon, let Adam come through it in his own time."  
  
"That's just it Grace. I don't have G-Gideon at all!" Joan blurted out only realizing her words after she spoke. She threw a hand over her traitorous mouth as if she could keep the words inside. "Er, I mean…"  
  
"Did you and Gideon have a fight already?" Grace asked as they walked.  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"Then what exactly?" Grace asked impatiently.  
  
"Well I might have been preoccupied with Adam and Iris."  
  
"You mean you've been acting like a jealous witch."  
  
"Hey!" Joan exclaimed in shock, looking over at Grace angrily.  
  
"It's true, Girardi." Grace responded innocently. "So Gideon got pissed that you were thinking more of Adam and Iris then you guys?"  
  
"Kinda. He just told me to figure out where I stood with them and then we'd figure 'us' out."  
  
"Sounds like sensible advice."  
  
"But he just left."  
  
"It's not like he went to Tanzania, Joan." Grace interrupted in exasperation. "He'll obviously be around once you figure out what you want. So calm down already, will ya?"  
  
"Thanks Grace. I've been kind of a spaz recently."  
  
"No comment. Since you're up this early on the weekend, what say you and I go to a movie?"  
  
"Sure, let me just stop by my house and tell my mom."  
  
They walked a few blocks in silence listening to the sounds of the neighborhood. As they walked up Joan's street, she turned suddenly and gave Grace a quick one-armed hug, letting go before she could be berated for the emotional display.  
  
"What was that for?" Grace asked disdainfully.  
  
"A thank you." Joan answered, skipping ahead of her irate friend.  
  
"Ever heard of a handshake?" Grace called sarcastically after her as she retreated into the house. "Geez." 


	10. Protecting Iris and Coming To Terms

Catching Insanity 10/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned.   
  
Protecting Iris and Coming To Terms  
  
The next two days Joan was kept quite busy so that she hadn't the time to mope at all. After hanging with Grace on Saturday afternoon, she went to visit Iris to see how she was holding up. That was an awkward conversation all around. Without Adam to buffer them, they had no common ground and a few times started sniping at each other without meaning to. Joan finally convinced Iris to let her mention it to her father to get a few ideas about what could be done.  
  
"But my mother already talked to the cops and they told her nothing could be done since he served his time and technically hadn't done anything to warrant action yet."  
  
"That's why I'll talk to my dad. We can't very well wait until after he comes after you to do something. That's just stupid." Joan argued heatedly. "I'm sure he'll know what to do."  
  
She left Iris' house soon thereafter and spent the next few hours going over what she wanted to say to her father once he got home. As soon as he did Joan grabbed him and proceeded to explain the situation. He hadn't even had time to take off his coat, Joan was so tightly strung. After she explained she watched worriedly as her father sat in silence for a long moment, looking pensive.  
  
"Well?" She asked impatiently.  
  
"With these kinds of situations, since the man's out on parole, he will have certain rules he needs to follow. The first would be not to see Iris or her mother. If he goes within a certain distance of them we can have him back in the slammer in no time for parole violations. Other than that there is not much we can do but wait for him to screw up and get caught."  
  
"But Daddy what if he goes after Iris?"  
  
"I'll talk to my boss and see if we can put a patrol near her house just in case. Otherwise I would just make sure she isn't alone too often. Have her out of the house as much as possible. Hell, bring her over here if you want in the evening. I should be here if anything happens."  
  
"Thanks dad." Joan said, giving her father a quick hug and then got up to call Iris.  
  
"Hey I thought you didn't like Iris?" He asked thoughtfully.  
  
"I don't, but that doesn't mean I want anything to happen to her." Joan answered with a roll of her eyes as she took the stairs two at a time.  
  
Over the next week or so, Joan spent an inordinate amount of time with both Adam and Iris. It wasn't exactly the best time of her life, but overall it wasn't too painful. Slowly but surely Joan got used to seeing Iris and Adam together, and although she still was uncomfortable when they kissed in front of her, for the most part she was moving on. Will Girardi had managed to convince his Captain to approve of the extra manpower to watch Iris' house and with her friends over most nights for 'study group' nothing of consequence had occurred.  
  
That particular day would break the pattern however, but as Joan, Iris, Grace, Luke and Adam were listening to the teacher drone on about using a bunson burner safely, they remained unaware of the peril that awaited them. 


	11. Lying in Wait

Catching Insanity 11/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and alcoholism mentioned.   
  
Lying in Wait  
  
Joan, Adam and Iris walked to Iris' house so that she could drop off her books and pick up her clothes, since she was planning on sleeping over Joan's that night.  
  
"I think it's great that you two are finally getting along." Adam told them supportively, as Iris opened the door with her key. "Even if it is under these circumstances. Who knows, maybe we can all go out sometime this week, see a movie or something."  
  
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Joan answered as the three of them walked into the living room.  
  
"Come on Joan, it'll be fun. You can bring Gideon along." Iris told her, winking as she walked up the stairs, while Joan and Adam stood by the stairs.  
  
"He hasn't been around much."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Gideon. Is everything okay between you?" Adam asked hesitantly, although sounding much less jealous then before.  
  
"I don't know. We got into a bit of a discussion after the study group a few weeks ago. We kind of left things open ended between us." Joan answered generally, although not able to keep the sadness from her voice as she told Adam about 'Gideon.'  
  
"I'm sorry." Adam told her, giving her a quick squeeze on the shoulder, before staring determinedly down at his feet. That unexpected response caused Joan to look up at him in surprise.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"I wasn't exactly supportive of your relationship, was I? I caused tension between you two, and I feel like a heel."  
  
"Don't worry about it. I was confused anyway. It's not your fault exactly."  
  
"I still want to apologize to Gideon in person. Look Joan, you're obviously missing him, why don't you give him a call and invite him to go out with us sometime?"  
  
"I -"  
  
Joan was interrupted when she heard a scream coming from Iris' room quickly followed by yelling.  
  
"Let me go!"  
  
Before either thought about it, both Adam and Joan were running up the stairs heedless of the possible danger. They opened the door just as a man was trying to grab Iris toward it. Iris had tears streaming down her face as she struggled in the intruder's arms.  
  
"Leave her alone." Adam yelled at him as he grabbed the restraining arm around Iris' neck. Even pulling with all his might Adam barely budged the man and succeeded in getting thrown into the wall.   
  
Without thinking about it, Joan grabbed the closest object and ran at the man's back. She had just knocked the man about the head with Iris' chemistry book causing him to topple over to a knee. Iris managed to slip out of his grip and ran to Adam who was still sprawled on the floor.   
  
"Let's get out of here." Joan told Iris as she ran to Adam's other side. They tried to lift him between them but they got only a few feet before they all fell once again, unable to carry his dead weight.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Iris whispered watching the man, her father, roll around the floor in pain. "We've got to get out of here."  
  
"Where's your phone?"  
  
"Downstairs." She shrieked shrilly.  
  
"Well go get it and call the cops!" 


	12. Anger and Fuzzy Fluffiness

Catching Insanity 12/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Warning: Physical abuse and Violence. Pretty graphic beating. Read at your own risk. Sorry for the coming part, but it is essential to the plot. Please keep reading. Also Joan is a bit of a weirdo in this chapter, blame the morphine.  
  
Anger and Fuzzy Fluffiness  
  
Iris ran downstairs as fast as she could, taking the stairs two at a time, leaving Joan in her bedroom trying to get Adam up and moving with little success.  
  
"Come on Adam. Get up." Joan pleaded frantically, pulling Adam's arm as hard as she could. There was no response as he continued to lay where he had fallen, completely unresponsive to her cries.  
  
Her attention was so focused on helping Adam that she didn't notice Iris' father moving until it was too late. Joan was roughly grabbed from behind by her upper arms and hauled to her feet, twisting her ankle painfully in the process.  
  
"Where is Iris?" He hollered, shaking her so hard that her teeth snapped together catching on her unprotected tongue, causing blood to trickle down the side of her mouth.  
  
"She's not here. Probably run off by now."  
  
"You interfering bitch!" Iris' irate father screamed, pulling her hair until she was forced nose to nose with him, her feet barely touching the ground beneath her. "You need to learn to mind your own business and I'm just the one to teach you."  
  
Joan felt a sharp pain across her upper cheek as he slapped her causing her to loose her precarious balance and fall, hitting her head on the corner of Iris' nightstand. She barely felt it as she was repeatedly kicked, her head clouded by the fall. Her eyes fluttered painfully closed and she knew no more.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"She has a concussion and two cracked ribs as well as a twisted left ankle. She should be able to leave tomorrow as long as she keeps off her foot for a few days. I will give you a prescription that should help with the pain."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor." Will and Helen murmured quietly as they watched their daughter's drugged sleep.   
  
Just as they were about to leave the room, Joan's eyes opened slightly before closing immediately afterwards.  
  
"Ughh. Too white." She mumbled squeezing her eyes closed, ignoring the fact that her head was trying to float off her body. Once she realized that the lights had been dimmed she reluctantly opened her eyes to slits and looked at the fuzzy shapes in front of her. "Hey fuzzy, come her to your Auntie Joan."  
  
She patted the space beside her slightly and sighed in relief as she felt the bed sift next to her.  
  
"Good boy, Fuzzy." Joan praised patting 'him' on the hand.  
  
"Joan honey, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Who?" She asked curiously moving her head slightly to look over Fuzzy's shoulder. "Mom?"  
  
"It's me baby. You're in the hospital. The doctors say you'll be fine."  
  
"What 'apened?" Joan asked shakily. "Hurts."  
  
"I know Joan, but you'll be fine. We caught Thomas and Adam and Iris are both fine." Will reassured his daughter holding her hand gently in the both of his. He ignored the fact that she kept mumbling what a good boy Fuzzy was.  
  
"Oh god! Adam was hit." She remembered suddenly attempting to sit up before falling back woozily. "Shouldn't 'a done that."  
  
"Calm down, honey. Adam is fine, in fact he's waiting with Iris, Grace and your brothers in the waiting room."  
  
"M 'kay." Joan agreed softly, burrowing into her pillow. "Sleepy now."  
  
"Go to sleep then. We'll see you when you wake up, and hopefully you be feeling more yourself."  
  
The next time she awoke the light was shining through her window and someone was in the process of closing the shades.  
  
"Fuzzy?" She called out feeling needy. "Where are you?"  
  
"I'm here, Joan." A man's voice called out from beside her. She relaxed immediately and a beautiful smile graced her face as she realized Fuzzy had returned. She held her hand palm side up and wiggled her fingers expectantly, putting when Fuzzy hesitated a minute too long. She heard a soft sigh and then her hand was enclosed with warmth and for the first time that afternoon she felt at peace.  
  
"Missed you." She slurred heavily, pulling up both their hands and pressing a sweet kiss to Fuzzy's fingers. "Such a pretty nice hand."  
  
She continued to pat the hand to her cheek before cuddling it close and closing her eyes, still extremely tired.  
  
"Love you, Fuzzy." She whispered softly before falling gently to sleep. 


	13. Revelations

Catching Insanity 13/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
Revelations  
  
It was slow going getting Joan settled into the car on the drive home from the hospital the next day. She rested her head against the glass of the window, watching as the houses and trees flew passed, completely immersed in her thoughts.   
  
"You okay back there, honey?" Will asked his unusually contemplative daughter, looking in the front mirror.   
  
"I'm fine Dad." Joan told him, sighing in exasperation. Ever since she had woken up earlier that morning her family and friends had constantly been asking her that question. "Just a bit achy."  
  
"We're almost home, then you can take a nap." Helen offered from the front seat while her brothers stayed quiet, although looking at her in concern.  
  
"I've been sleeping for two days, I really don't think I need more rest." Joan told her, before looking out the window once again.  
  
They arrived home shortly thereafter and Will rushed around the other side of the car to pick Joan up when she was about to reach for her crutches. He held her in his arms as if she weighed next to nothing while she whined the whole time.  
  
"Daddy!" Joan squealed, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "I have used crutches before, I can get around on my own."  
  
"You didn't have other injuries then, honey. Just humor your old man, huh?"  
  
"Alright Daddy." She agreed leaning her head gently on his shoulder for support. He deposited her right on her bed leaving her to get lunch ready.  
  
Once Joan was alone in her own room and her family was elsewhere she relaxed closing her eyes for a moment.  
  
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Joan was standing underneath a large willow tree as it rained all around her. She looked up through the branches as the sky rapidly darkened. Lightning lit up the sky followed by a loud boom of thunder. When she tried to move, run to her house to escape the storm she barely put any pressure on her feet, yet she fell with a cry of pain. She stood up slowly, wavering as she took small steps. Just as she had left the cover of the tree and began getting wet from the rain she fell once again. Her crutches were nowhere to be found. She lay in the mud hopelessly, only trying to move again when the sky opened up and began spewing hail as well. Joan got to her knees only to loose her balance once again.  
  
"Damn it!" Joan screamed, barely distinguishable over the booms of thunder. "Give me a break!"  
  
"Let me help you up, Joan."   
  
She looked up to see a familiar form in a well-worn brown corduroy jacket. He still seemed perfectly dry, as if the water fell right off him. He smiled winningly and held out a hand to Joan. She took it and was gently pulled to her feet. From there he pulled he against him in an attempt to shield her from the storm. Joan wrapped her arms around him without thinking, burying her head in the shallow between his neck and shoulder.  
  
"I'm here. It's okay." He whispered to her, ruffling her hair with his breath. She felt the same peace as she did before in the hospital, only this time she was literally wrapped in God's embrace. He gently kissed her forehead before pulling he close again.  
  
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Joan woke up with a smile on her lips, until she remembered the events of her dream. She sat up in her bed utterly shocked.  
  
"Oh god. I told him I loved him." She exclaimed, dropping her head in her hands despairingly. "What am I going to do?" 


	14. How Do I Love Thee?

Catching Insanity 14/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
How Do I Love Thee?  
  
"So I love him, it's no big deal. I mean everyone loves him to a certain extent. He's God." Joan tried to convince herself. "It doesn't have to mean anything."  
  
Joan was still trying to put it out of her mind the next day at school as she hobbled through the corridors with her crutches. Both Adam and Iris were sticking close to her, as were Grace and Luke. They seemed to think she was fragile or something, and it was getting on her nerves.   
  
After AP Chemistry Joan needed a bit of time away from them and went to throw some water on her face. If they weren't making sure she didn't fall on her face, they were asking about Gideon. It seems that while she was heavily medicated and calling him Fuzzy, the others noticed his visit as well.   
  
While she had just come to the conclusion that she loved God, her friends and family just wouldn't leave her alone about him. Adam especially, took his visit to mean that he forgave her, and was looking to see how she was. When she tried to convince him, and herself, that it meant no such thing, he merely smirked at her and started talking to Iris. Who knew Adam even knew how to smirk?  
  
Joan stumbled into the bathroom and leaned her crutches against the nearest sink as she threw a few handfuls of cold water on her overheated face.  
  
[Why am I even worrying about this, it's all just pretend anyway. Which is a good thing, I feel enough like an insane person as it is. I really am not looking to fall in love with a divine deity in one of his many incarnations. Hell I just miss him. There's no cause to get overly dramatic about it." With that settled Joan dried her face and began drying her hands. "Maybe if I just liked the Gideon persona I'd be normal, ignoring the whole God thing, cuz uh, not so normal. I like them all. I mean obviously I don't want to make out with the little girl. Ick! But I do li-love all of them in their own way. It's his own fault anyway. Why couldn't God have stuck to one form and it have been a wrinkly old man? Then I could love him in peace. Argg!!]  
  
Just then Grace opened the door to the Girl's Room and stuck her head in.  
  
"Almost finished in there, Girardi?"  
  
"Yeah I'm done." Joan told her, grabbing her crutches and hopping out the door, which Grace held open for her. "Let's get to lunch I'm starved."  
  
The day passed in much the same vein as the morning, with Joan inwardly berating herself and her friends worrying needlessly. Joan had her head in her locker looking for her English book to take home with her that afternoon, when Adam jostled her shoulder causing her to bump her against the side of her locker.  
  
"Hey Jane?"  
  
"What?" Joan snapped finally pulling out of her locker, rubbing her head gingerly. She tried not to glare angrily when she saw a smirk on Adam's face again. "Well? Was there a particular reason you knocked me into my locker or what?"  
  
Adam stayed silent merely nodded his head in the opposite direction down the hall. Joan looked around in confusion for a moment before she saw God walking her way. He had a gentle smile on his face causing her to blush and look away. All of a sudden the thoughts she had been worrying over all day came back to her and she got flustered.   
  
"I've got to go. Um, see you later." Joan told Grace and Adam, slamming her locker shut and trying to grab her book bag and crutches in one hand. Her exit would have been more graceful, not to mention quicker had she not hurt her ankle. She only got a few feet away from where her friends were looking at her in shock when Gideon caught up with her retreating body. Before she knew it he was standing in front of her, blocking her escape.  
  
"Hello Joan." 


	15. A Walk in the Park

Catching Insanity 15/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
A Walk in the Park  
  
"Hello Joan."  
  
"Er, hi." Joan answered hesitantly, waving slightly. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I told you I would see you again." He commented softly, smiling at her unusual reluctance to speak to him. "I visited you in the hospital, but you were quite out of it. I don't think you even knew who I was."  
  
[Yes I did.]  
  
Joan blushed fiercely recalling telling him she loved him and cuddling with his hand.  
  
"I was drugged." She blurted out suddenly, glancing at his smiling face before staring at the ground. "I've got to go now preferably somewhere in Tanzania."  
  
She turned away hastily about to walk the opposite direction much to the amusement of her friends who were blocking her from fleeing willy-nilly down the corridor.  
  
"Well I don't know about Tanzania Joan, but how about a walk in the park?" Gideon suggested innocently as Joan glared at her so-called friends who all were nudging her closed to Gideon.  
  
"Guys!" She whined pitifully.  
  
"Hey I already have had to listen to you mope for weeks Girardi." Grace told her, giving the girl a push into Gideon. She would have stumbled had he not caught her in his arms.  
  
"How 'bout it Joan?"  
  
[Damn it! How do I get myself into these situations?]  
  
"Fine, let's go." She agreed angrily, walking away without a backward glance to see if he was following her. Just as she reached the doors to the school she heard her friends calling her name. She glanced over her shoulder moodily.  
  
"Have fun."  
  
"Arggg!" She screamed frustrated, whipping her head around and strode outside grumbling all the while. "See if I ever save his life again."  
  
She walked for a few more blocks, stewing angrily before she turned a corner and head toward the park. Joan finally relaxed somewhat as she crossed the bridge and stood in the middle looking over at the water.  
  
"Feeling a bit calmer?" Gideon asked as he walked up to her other side and stood close to her, looking at the lake in front of them.  
  
"You're still here?" Joan asked sarcastically without looking at him.  
  
"First you want me to stay, now you wish for me to leave?" He questioned softly. "Very well, Joan."  
  
God stepped away from her and took a step back about to turn around.  
  
"Hey!" Joan panicked, grabbing his arm. "I don't want you to leave. I'm just being a bitch. Sorry."  
  
When he merely looked at her impassively and then glanced at the restraining hand she still had on his upper arm she felt discouraged. Joan let go of him and stepped closer, staring at his soft brown eyes.  
  
"Please stay." She asked him softly.  
  
"All you had to do was ask, Joan." He told her, taking his place looking over the lake once again.   
  
She watched his profile for a few seconds before hesitantly stepping to his side. They watched the view in silence for a few minutes until the breeze began to pick up, rustling Joan's hair.  
  
"Let's walk around. The activity will keep you warm." He told her softly, not wanting to break the momentary peace they had forged.  
  
"Okay." Joan quickly agreed, following his path through the park.   
  
She noticed that they were walking the bike paths, far away from the area the public used for children. There were trees on all sides with a soft dirt path underneath her feet. It was beautiful. The only drawback about the path was that due to the cover of the trees, the sun was blocked out, causing it to become a bit chilly. Joan wrapper her jacket covered arms around herself, in an attempt to get warm. She jumped in surprise when Gideon placed an arm around her shoulder and drew her closer to him, so that his own body heat warmed her.  
  
"You really shouldn't do things like this." She told him softly, staring determinedly ahead.  
  
"Why not?" He asked her in the same tone of voice, ruffling her hair with his breath.  
  
"You mean you don't know?" Joan asked halfway between sarcasm and a question.  
  
"Explain it to me."  
  
"It gives me ideas, that's why." Joan told him, blushing red under his regard.  
  
"What kind of ideas?"   
  
"Are you deliberately being a pain in the ass?" Joan asked exasperated with his supposed ignorance.  
  
"Not deliberately, no." He answered seriously, stopping and turning Joan to face him. He waited to continue until she looked up at him again. "Didn't I tell you that I already knew why you were upset with me, but you needed to figure it out for yourself?"  
  
"Yeah, and?" She asked him hesitantly.  
  
"I'll ask you again. What kind of ideas have you been having?"  
  
"Are you sure you really want to know?"  
  
"Yes I really want to know." He assured her gently.  
  
"This kind." She told him in a whisper, before hesitantly pressing her lips against his own in a chaste kiss, not wanting to offend. Joan stepped back quickly and watched him for a reaction. The only sound around them were the birds chirping as long seconds passed with them staring at each other. 


	16. Reactions and Recriminations

Catching Insanity 16/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Cute Boy God/Joan (the blasphemy!) With small hints of Joan/Adam, and Adam/Iris  
  
Summary: God asks Joan to lie to Adam for his own good. Will she? And if she does can she live with the confusion that follows?  
  
Authors Note: This fic is going to be about Joan's evolving feelings for God and the ensuing insanity this causes our poor heroine. If this squicks anyone read no further. Thank you kindly.  
  
I am not exactly religious, like at all. So if I offend anyone with my off kilter interpretation of certain religious events please forgive me. This does get a little bizarre, be warned. Joan just wouldn't shut up.  
  
Reactions and Recriminations  
  
Gideon continued to watch her in silence as Joan began fidgeting under his all knowing stare. It was unnerving how he didn't seem to be having any kind of overt response to the kiss.   
  
"Oh god, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I wasn't even thinking. Forgive me alright?" Joan asked shrilly, looking at a point over his shoulder before turning to run away.  
  
"Joan calm down." He interjected gently.  
  
"I will not calm down, damn it. I just sinned, not only that but it is the mother of all sins. I'm going to hell!"  
  
"Joan!"  
  
"What?" She screamed, but at least she wasn't hysterical any longer.  
  
"You're not going to hell."  
  
"How would you know?" Joan sneered before she thought it through. She blushed when he didn't answer, but only raised an amused eyebrow. "Oh yeah, that."  
  
"Yes that."  
  
"Look it's your own fault!"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Yeah. You're the all-knowing one right? Well, you appeared to me."  
  
"I am aware of that Joan." God answered calmly, making Joan's anger rise even higher, to cover for her embarrassment.  
  
"Well good! So you could have appeared as an old decrepit wheelchair bound man, or better yet a nun."  
  
"Would you still love me though?"   
  
"How do you- That's not the point. I wouldn't want to make out with a hundred year old guy, and a nun would be just sacrilegious."  
  
"I see."  
  
"At least one of us does then." She mumbled under her breath.  
  
"So it is not sacrilegious to be lusting after the Almighty, then?"  
  
"I already told you I'm a terrible person. Remember the whole Hell thing?" Joan asked sarcastically. "I wish I lusted after you. It would be a heck of a lot easier to deal with."  
  
"I love you too Joan." God told her gently, stepping closer to her as she backed up against a tree.  
  
"Of course you do, but not like that. It's just wrong. I'm sorry I am such a freak."  
  
"What about Mary?" God asked suddenly as tears began to gather in Joan's eyes.  
  
"Mary who?" Joan asked although she had a fair idea where he was going with this.  
  
"You know the whole immaculate conception thing?"  
  
"Why are we talking about babies?" Joan screeched. "I'm too young to have any babies. My parents would kill me."  
  
"That's not the point, Joan." He told her in his exasperated 'you understand nothing, but you are trying' voice.  
  
"So no babies, then?" She whispered softly relaxing as God smiled at her warmly.  
  
"No Joan. No babies."  
  
"Whew. Had me worried there for a second." She exclaimed whipping fake sweat from her forehead.  
  
"Mary had my child. Was that wrong?" He asked once again.  
  
"Er… no?" She answered in the form of a question.  
  
"Well then, why would I send you to hell for loving me? Don't you think Mary did as well?""  
  
"That's different."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, Mary hadn't…um, that is to say, you didn't…erm, is that even possible? I want… never mind. It's not important."  
  
"Joan, are you asking if I am capable of making love?"  
  
"Um…"  
  
"I created each of you in my image, each of you are the embodiment of my love. Of course I can if I so chose to do so."  
  
Joan looked at Gideon like he'd grown two heads, her eyes the size of saucers.  
  
"Why is it you're blunt at a time like this, but when I want you to answer me you give me a vague answer and leave?" Joan snapped.  
  
"It's part of my mystique." He looked amused as Joan got herself pulled together.  
  
"Who knew God had to worry about mystique?" She grumbled. "You understand that just because we're discussing this doesn't mean that I'm…"  
  
"I understand, Joan." He answered, gently brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "We should probably be getting you home before it gets too late."  
  
"Good idea." She said shivering as a particularly strong wind blew through. She didn't comment when Gideon placed his arm around her, nor when he pulled her closer.  
  
"By the way Joan." Gideon spoke softly as they continued walking out of the park. "I love you too."  
  
Although Joan wasn't sure what exactly that meant to God, or what it entailed for their relationship if anything at all, she couldn't help the warmth that spread about her body at his words. She sighed comfortably and relaxed against his welcoming embrace. They walked in silence the rest of the way home. 


End file.
